Given my leniency, i was taken advantage of.
Given my strength, i did not understand the term 'fall'.
Given my forgiving nature, I was told nothing but lies .
Given my affection , I failed to move on .
Above all, I tend to move forward, hang on , and never let go .
With all that is happening in my life, I believe it is a test from Allah .
And all i ever seek was guidance .
Mama used to be there for me .
However, I dun wanna trouble mama for all the shits that im going through .
With a tough family situation , complicated friendship fights, some money matters ,
myself and a smooth sailing yet rocky relationship.
I am just like a numbskull.
It hurts too much for me to act.
I am all weak.
Eyes dried out .
4 nights, alone .
Subtract one of the nights when dolly actually sacrificed her tyme for me.
Today, rabia is gonna bring me to a ride on her bike.
Yesterday, I broke a glass of water.
Mama is having some weird feelings.
As though, something was wrong .
I am feeling the same thing either .
Okay, I am depressed with everything, the change in me, as well.
I cant bear looking myself at the mirror.
I felt so fugly .
Daddy is caught up with work.
Oh, the good thing is, 13 more days to my birthday.
But, what's the big deal?
I have nothing to be proud of.
Nothing to celebrate .
I am being so petty, right?
complain, complain and complain.
I am so weak that i kept on crying .
Gosh, this shouldnt be it.
I have yet to find the strength within.
My mind keeps telling me to go.
My inner voice is telling me to stay .
Am i too controlling ?
.
With love, The one and only, Bella James.
Dramas.Hypocrites.Pests.Failure. 
