Melt me with ure kisses.

Lovely friends i have. E'qa And Rabia, thanks fer hearing me out. I know ure sick and tired of me crying and grieving 2 whole months. Its already the 1st week of fasting month, alhamdulillah, i get to feel the pleasure of fasting again.

Sadly, last year, it was the last tyme i celebrate both puasa and hari raya with her.

I miss kakak so much. Last year, she was always asking me to go buy air katira and goreng pisang. Now, i dun even bother to go to the bazaar. Last night, i couldn't sleep.

I kept on picturing her with me joking around. I miss her hugs. Oh, Allah, forgive me. I hope, my mind will be at ease soon.

As for me, im confused again. What is happening to me now is very similar to my late sister. My ex boyfren tried to grabbed my attention. I didn't bother. He just hit me fer all he cared. I knoe, a jerk!

Life, a lot of strangers has been askin bou me lately and I am trying to avoid the scene.

I dun wanna return to who I was. It was dark past. I dun wann recall any of it.

Im traumatized. Traumatized with guys getting harsh and violent. Even if i;ve got a boyfren, i wun feel safe. Its different. My life now and before ; OPPOSITE!

Picture of me being cheerful? Its just a hazy illusion. I cant jump to all possibilities. But i Have to stay strong and perservere. Yes, Im AFRAID. AFRAID of what is gonna happen next.

Cant u see? All i need is comfort. I wanna feel safe. I just hope, i'll be happy again. I dun wanna be the next generation of my late sister. Nver. I may look like her. But attitude wise, im totally opposite. I swear.

Sorrows and pain,

SELAMAT BERPUASA!

Bella James.

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