Melt me with ure kisses.

Lovely friends i have. E'qa And Rabia, thanks fer hearing me out. I know ure sick and tired of me crying and grieving 2 whole months. Its already the 1st week of fasting month, alhamdulillah, i get to feel the pleasure of fasting again.

Sadly, last year, it was the last tyme i celebrate both puasa and hari raya with her.

I miss kakak so much. Last year, she was always asking me to go buy air katira and goreng pisang. Now, i dun even bother to go to the bazaar. Last night, i couldn't sleep.

I kept on picturing her with me joking around. I miss her hugs. Oh, Allah, forgive me. I hope, my mind will be at ease soon.

As for me, im confused again. What is happening to me now is very similar to my late sister. My ex boyfren tried to grabbed my attention. I didn't bother. He just hit me fer all he cared. I knoe, a jerk!

Life, a lot of strangers has been askin bou me lately and I am trying to avoid the scene.

I dun wanna return to who I was. It was dark past. I dun wann recall any of it.

Im traumatized. Traumatized with guys getting harsh and violent. Even if i;ve got a boyfren, i wun feel safe. Its different. My life now and before ; OPPOSITE!

Picture of me being cheerful? Its just a hazy illusion. I cant jump to all possibilities. But i Have to stay strong and perservere. Yes, Im AFRAID. AFRAID of what is gonna happen next.

Cant u see? All i need is comfort. I wanna feel safe. I just hope, i'll be happy again. I dun wanna be the next generation of my late sister. Nver. I may look like her. But attitude wise, im totally opposite. I swear.

Sorrows and pain,

SELAMAT BERPUASA!

Bella James.

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TAG REPLIES : Erin ; will link you up soon babe. ;) Bella ; Linked. Not a prob hunneh ! take a good cre of yourself and tompel ! nis! ; baik link aku nan ajib takde. ): Bella ; hey no worries baby, sorry la. will do soooon ! Aysha ; Hey pretty! Happy new year!! :) Bella ; Hey sexy cousin of mine ! Happy 2009 to u too! much misses! Fyeeqa : Bella..bella..bella..hahaks. Bella ; fyeeqa fyeeqa fyeeqa! pagel hye tom? hahaaha todoshi : wwah! 10/10 seh!!!!!!!! wish me luck for mine!!!!!!! Bella ; all the best sweetheart! thanks! Fnira : Im soo happy for u my sayang..You look so suka ria eh skrg?LOL!!Stay happy always with ur beloved MR akai ok dear..:) Bella ; thanks my darlinq. yeah, i hope evrything will shine beb! stay happy gf! happy new year. Rabia : Its gd to see u hapi gf.tc...imy! Bella : thanks dearest. thanks for being my backbone, i luv you much babe! imyt.

Seriously, age is just a number. Im legally 18 and im turning 19 real soon. I knoe im proud. Not implying that Im some kinda matured chic but I realise some people tend to act all 'babyish' despite being older. Tell me people, do I look like one kinda fucked up shyt? If you are wondering why I am asking, let me share with you my part of story. Recently, theres this ANONYMOUS in my life. Hell no, she was never, never my close friend. I would generally say, she is just an acquaintance. How bad my luck is. This lady here told her mum I owe her fucking cash! And hello, Ive never borrowed U a single cent, asshole. Such a bad image I potray to her family. Pity myself. She even loaned her mum that certain amount of cash claiming she have to pay for some shyts on my behalf. Now, I am confident that most her friends would call me a low dignity hypocrite bytch. Im glad my baby bytches noes my inside out. and for me to borrow cash is a no no ! Unless my dad has no internet connection to t...

Ok, fuck. My bluetooth device is giving me problems! and I cant update photos for now. But fret not, I'LL BE BACK SOON ENUFF! I might change my link. MIGHT! And, Im gonna be out of Singapore. Departinq this sunday, 3am. MISS ME OK! Haha. AKAI!! SORRY AKAI TAQLEY IQUT BELLA! HEHEHHEHEHE! Taqper, nanty bella, mama and papa update akai k sayangg! hehehehehehe! Ok, now u really gonna smack me on my face if U read thys. Unfortunately, no! HAHAHAHAHA! Im intoxicated. Mama knoes IM BROKE AND SHE BOUGHT ME LOTS OF BAJU2. eheheheh! and not forgettinq, my baby marl men. haha. Off to school early tomorrow. ITS FROM 9-5.! Get it? urghsss. graciousness. went to town with eve and max. Job huntinq and we are off to pool and arcade. lar, thanks for the treat! Had a hell of a good time. Afterwards, met akai's family and drove off to cwp. and now, baq home to sleep and i shall meet my PRINCE CHARMINQ! haha. see u on fridae beybeh! cant wait! cant waiT! LOVE, Bella.